Cobwebs
the intricate threads of a life
Like the invisible cobweb on the wrought-iron gate post, a dormant emotion lies unseen as I pass by unawares each day. Spun so intricately into the matrix of my experience earnestly woven in a delicate thread.
Every gathering, birthday, Mother’s Day I feel it brush past the surface of my skin like the shiver of a broken strand. Her face looks back at me from the bathroom mirror. Once loved so dearly it now stays hidden in the dark recesses, among the cobwebs and the dust. Where to move all that obscures her is effort beyond now.
She left me that day. When the words tumbled out like an upturned drawer emptying the contents of her life to the ground, cutting through the fibres of her existence with a careless swipe of the hand. The web was cruelly fractured by the hurt, pain and loss. Slow tears coated my cheeks like the morning dew brings the spider’s web into our consciousness revealing what was there all along. Try as I might I could not refashion this web, only the spider themselves can embark on the painstaking task of linking each segment together.
When survival meant hanging on by a single fibre, flight felt like no choice at all. Even in retreat, the abuse followed, not for the first time, until it was the last.
Slowly, oh so very slowly I rebuilt the trust, treading tentatively on the embers of my scorched family life. Latent damage resurfaces in unforeseen shapes as I live in the hope it is all released. Innocent casualties entangled in the mesh.
The torrents of grief for a life passed unlived await yet no pretence or small talk could fill the painful silences of all that remains unsaid.
Thank you for reading
Jacqui x
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Still Point Meditation Circle 6
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The words go straight to the core of the soul and evoke emotions. With your words you have drawn from the darkness some poetic beauty.
This is a gorgeous way to describe something so painful. 'Try as I might I could not refashion this web, only the spider themselves can embark on the painstaking task of linking each segment together.' <- As I read I realised it's as much about the spider as the cobweb. This image will stick with me.