Great expectations of arriving at another year older

Turning the inspiration of all those possibilities and expectations into the mundane of the probably and the ordinary. A Still Point Curiosity & Contentment self enquiry

I open my eyes, roll over, the clock blinks 04:37. Briefly I think that’s the universe telling me to get up and be ready to write by 5am at my desk - ‘ you know it makes sense.’ Then I  roll over and drift in and out of a fitful sleep until my alarm goes off proper for 6.15am.

It’s cold and the snow on the ground is unexpected for mid November. In fact as it was my birthday yesterday I think I can say in my memory it’s never snowed on my birthday before.

I’m a day late starting my week because in the 18 years I’ve been self-employed I never work on my birthday so I took Monday off. Added to that I’m a week all out of my routine, as last week I was in London for various rendezvous, encounters and meetings. So this morning I was full of expectation of everything I was going to get done before the clock clicked around to 10 o’clock. 

And it didn’t happen.

The disappointment of expectations and the reality of inspiration

Our expectations leave us perpetually disappointed because the imagined version of our life, our day,  our morning, even our breakfast never quite live up to the elaborate picture we created in our head.

At what feels like the rather grand age of 53, I’ve shaved the edges off my expectations, rounded the corners and rarely take the time to smooth out the surface. When I stop looking from every angle to check I haven’t missed a spot,  that there’s no smear left on the mirror or specks of dust catching the light, it all feels easier, softer with more space. Space to actually be whatever it is.

What is it? 

Here I am again questioning what I’m avoiding and what my expectation of myself is and why it feels so uncomfortable to wear it. 

Feeling into what it is that I want and finding answers to lead me in a direction. Finding inspiration which is taking me away from one thing towards something completely new. 

Something is required of me but not what it was before. The jaws of uncertainty look less daunting and feel safer to step inside because now I can live from the inside there is safety I never knew before. 

Recalibrate. Realign. Reset. 

Keep reality in mind and inspiration in heart and go my dear one into another phase of this life.

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